Dealing in futures
I’ve not posted on here for a couple of weeks now. I think it’s been due to a combination of reasons – work and socialising mainly, but also I’ve had a nagging sense of inertia.
I can’t explain it, but right now life feels as though it could so easily be tipped in the balance for me – work, home, family, everything. Like six months down the line each of these things could be radically different to how they are now – and not all necessarily in a good way. I’m not making a lot of sense, am I? Let me try to explain.
Maybe it’s something to do with the likely impending change in government. There’s a really strange feeling at work at the moment, and everyone’s talking about the election in May although it’s a foregone conclusion. Apparently, in the civil service, people are already being sent on training courses to prepare them for a Tory government. In my little team, where no-one really knows which government department should be funding us anyway, we’re all trying to stay positive and do the best work that we can. Yet I can’t be the only one thinking that ultimately it could all be futile, that we could be disbanded in June, and that all the work will have been for nothing.
As a result, I’m looking for jobs, but I feel torn in about a hundred different directions. The credit crunch is driving me to look for stable jobs such as the civil service, whilst the prospect of working under the Conservatives scares me. It sounds cheesy, but I just want a job which I enjoy, and where I feel like I’m actually contributing in a positive way to society. I’ve started looking for jobs in charities, but there doesn’t seem to be much around at the moment. I guess I’ll just have to keep looking.
With my dysfunctional step-family, things have always been messed up, and they always will be. I’m grateful for those family members who I like and who are normal, and the rest of them can sort themselves out. But just lately it’s felt as though matters are coming to a head with them. I’m hoping it’s in a positive way, and will do everything that I can to make sure that it is, but who knows? I don’t really want to talk too much about my personal life on here, but all the nice things I presumed might happen, or even took for granted a little, just don’t look likely to me anymore. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that sometimes stuff just doesn’t work, no matter how hard you try to fix it.
But, having said all this, I think some fantastic things are going to happen for the people I care most about in the world, and I’m really pleased about that. I think they’ve got some brilliant opportunities ahead of them, and I’m determined to be inspired by their hard work! What I really want to do is to come back on this blog in six months’ time, and to be able to write about all the great things that have happened, or which I have made happen. Let’s see. One thing I do know is that I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing.
Right – whinging session over! I’m off to see Ash next week on their bizarre A-Z nostalgia tour – now that’s something to laugh about.
